Now when I say diet, I am not speaking about eating nothing, I am speaking about eating what is right for you. For some that might be one thing, for others that might be something qutie different. Our needs are different, depending on our lifestyle demands, our environment etc etc.... So as you may know or not know, food has been something of interest to me for many, many years. It has been my comfort, my enemy, my friend, my healing. I am about to embark on a course, Integrative Nutrition, for me this was the one, as it does not ask one to cut out things it asks one to add things to ones diet. Removes the conflict. The moment we say to ourselves, "I must cut this and that out." The moment we crave it! Of course this may not be true for everyone but I think it may count for a few....?!
So my post today is about a personal encounter that just clarified what i knew. When we eat what our bodies need, our bodies can function and heal. So, I have been prone to Endometriosis for many years and have in the past dealt with it by diet, herbs etc... The Dr recommended various surgical treatments which i have held up my sleeve, if i should need them. Alongside this I have played with my weight and my mental demons. However this January, Yoga and Diet truly came forth as my saviours. Of course i have known how brilliant they are for one's health and mental state but sometimes one doesn't always practice what they preach. That is not to say I don't do my best most of the time and I am open and honest about this. After all, sometimes chocolate is just what we need - and not cocoa and cocoa butter, but a really naughty Cadbury's bar!
So, January 2016, I struggled big time. Like, many, I go up and down and when the down hits, ooh it is hard to get up. However much you know that the up is SOOOO much better it can be a steep hill to climb. I am very fortunate that I have my family and animals to feed and look after and my work which i love which keeps one going but all of it was a struggle. And with that struggle comes the GUILT.
Anyway the end of January was drawing near and my menstraul cycle was awful. To the point that i thought , it is time, I must go to the Dr and get 'fixed.' Then something inside said, just work on your diet for the next month or two and see how it goes. December was a lot more dairy and naughty foods than i usually consume and i was drinking a drink every day or other day, more than i have done in 5/6 years. No reason particurlarly, just felt ok about it. Felt in control. Well, the drink goes, the dairy goes, the dates and almond butter kick in, the salads, humus and Quinoa come in, those kettle chips sneak in too BUT with effort I try and grab the option that makes me feel well. I know in my heart which is better for me, so i opt for that. WELL guess what, four weeks goes by and my cycle comes around again, in the midst of a family trauma (brother rushed to hospital and put in an induced coma for 4 days) and I barely notice it's arrival. I felt a bit faint and a bit wobbly, but not really surprising with everything going on. I was remarkably calm and coped. SO I can vouch ( and it is not just this time - I have many years of examples with my joints etc) that what we eat plays SUCH an important part in our physical and mental wellbeing. I hope by sharing these little light bulb moments i can encourage you, the reader to listen to what you need to keep you sailing through life with a smile and an open heart. For any advise/comments, please get in touch.
This next piece of writing is something i wrote in January... in the moment. I am only sharing this in the hope that it may help others, if only one person, to find strength when battling with complicated relationships with food.
"Ok, so if I am brutally honest, today has been tough. The weight demon has been very present and done its best to highlight any doubts to exaggerate the size of my legs and my stomach. I have been reaching out oat every tool, especially Nature, Yoga and the animals and friends.
The self loathing monster roars within, desperate to take over. I focus hard on becoming present, the monster keeps roaring, the doubt starts fogging my mind. I am reaching out for all that I am grateful for and there is SO much to be thankful for, and that I AM grateful for. Then this raises the guilt monster. "How dare you feel such self loathing and confusion." "Look at what you have." "I know" I shout and feel so sad that I have all this self loathing. I go quiet. I focus on the moment. I accept all the feelings that exist and I say, 'I am trying.' I am getting there. I would now, ironically, go and stuff my face, but this time I say 'NO' - YOGA! - I go to the tv room, get my mat out and practice. I cry. I go quiet. I struggle. I enjoy. The emotions flow. I finish and start to get on with my day. The demon is there but he/she/it is NOT in control. I thank the Lord/Universe/world for all the things / beings I love. I keep thanking. I keep focusing on all the things I love. It is easier to revert to the self loathing but as time goes on I have built up the muscle of positivity and strength and the more I say I am grateful for, the more balanced and focused I become.
I go and meet a freind for coffee. She is great. We talk about stuff, nothing too deep. Then i go to school and find another friend in the car park who i have not seen in ages. We talk. End up having quite a laugh. Again, nothing serious, just chatting. I take my beautiful children home and prepare supper. Here I sit, writing. My daughter working opposite and though I don't 'feel' physically fabulous I am truly grateful for my life and though my path feels a litle unclear right now, i know deep down it is all going to be ok. In fact while waiting to pick up , before seeing my freind in the car, i read an article by Ruby Wax and it reminded me about my venture and where it started. Healing those mental tortures by becoming present. By being aware of them creeping up and by being aware enough to take control of the thoughts you know no longer serve a purpose. "