Wow, Ok so about 6 years ago my husband and i gave up drinking completely. Something we needed to do and something that had to be done for our relationship and for our role as parents and most importantly for us as individuals. IF we were going to be happy and strong, the booze needed to go. We have since drunk, not much but a couple of times a month. Our approach is very different but this morning we decided perhaps it was time to leave it behind again....
We both come from families whereby booze is a daily thing and enough of it and it has not always been a positive education.
Anyway, as you can imagine when you have been the party lovers and centre of many of the parties - well we liked to think so in our toxicated state- it is quite a big thing to say goodbye to the booze. Parties become quite hard and the soul searching begins.
I could write a long essay about our approach to giving up the booze. We did it differently but we had each other to talk it through so i guess that was our kind of AA/NA. I discovered Yoga and all the beauty that lies around us and everything i learned and explored i shared with my husband.
SO why this little page... well last night we had a fantastic evening at a friends house, celebrating her 50th. Being fairly sensitive to people's feelings and finding big rooms of people hard to process, I made the decision to drink last night. I also made the decision that it would be the last big party i go to. SO, I hit it quite hard. Vodka, after vodka -the only thing i have drunk since starting drinking again over the last couple of years. And when i say we drink... it is probably once a week or once every two weeks and it is only one or two drinks max, but still drink, yes! In fact the only reason we really started again was because socialising is very, very hard sober when you don't know anyone and they all like to drink. And having started life down in somerset 6 years ago, knowing no-one.... a dinner party is pretty f... intimidating when you are the only one sober. And i guess this has now come to an end. One knows ones friends really and if one only feels comfortable in a room because of drink, well something ain't quite right!
Anyway last night... such fun as i danced, and danced and danced. I got that naughty little wiggle back from the dancing/party days and just let my hair down with a great, great friend. I had hidden this side of me... Perhaps now that i have i can get boogying sober:) But interestingly between wiggles, the insecurities and baggage that has been heavy on the shoulders recently kept popping into conversation... well i wouldn't call it a conversation more me offloading... luckily for my friend it was so loud, i don't think she heard me but i just realised that everything becomes a bit false, a bit shallow, and a bit ME, ME. Are people ignoring you or is it your insecurity.... who knows. But there is no reality.... get back... have a lovely chat with my husband.... then can't sleep and then finally do. THEN wake two hours later in such a toxic state it is absolutely horrid. Silent prayers to the angels and promises to myself to look after myself.... i finally fall back to sleep.
Probably still a bit over the limit now.... the day ahead seems long, but the sun is shining and i have love around me and i am so grateful for that.
The dogs looking at me... as if something is different.... they don't drink to have fun... so why do we need to?
So, today is goodbye again to the booze. Welcome to a healthy, happy, integral life. Still lots of fun but without the consumption of what much of society has been led to believe is critical to having a mega time.
I might just point out that I don't use the word Never. I imagine i will drink again but i also know that a little part of me LOVED the feeling of not being 'here,' of being away from it all in my own world...and it is that side that is very addictive and appealing BUT I am grateful that I also know that we can access this feeling when we are mindful, healthy, and rested. And the huge bonus to this approach is there is no down. The past couple of days ( i have re read what i wrote) there has definitely been some down.
So for anyone reading this, if you have a small desire somewhere deep inside to quit the drinking and follow the life you want and the life you choose then please take a moment to explore all the options out there to find peace with being sober. Drinking only makes life more difficult in the long run and it makes one eat tooooo much the next day! URGH :)
Maybe take a look at the health coaching page on www.happyhealinghearts.com