Well I thought maybe it might be worth sharing the ups and downs of working from the inside out to better oneself.
It takes time for sure. It takes patience. And it takes trust.
These past few weeks have been tough. I have been going through some huge releases, letting go of baggage that I have been carrying around with me for many, many years. I have felt it physically and it has bloody hurt.
My lower back has been incredibly sore, my teeth have been threatening to get all sensitive, my skin is still red on my face and my fingers and joints, and my knees feel like they are being stabbed during periods of the night and day.
I know that my body is going through DEEP healing. And perhaps for the first time I am listening to it and feeling it and letting it go. I am feeding it good, wholesome food (bar a couple of habitual Tyrell crisp evenings and one cup of yummy coffee a day!) and taking time out daily to sit and do nothing, just be. To sleep even. I don't feel guilty. I feel proud that I am giving my body this respect and love. I have abused it for so many years and now finally I am like, yes, you are truly, truly amazing.
I have trusted that mind and body and soul are truly interconnected and that the body really wants to be well but it does as one book is titled, ' hold the score'. (the body holds the score - one to dip into!)
There are moments of course, where I am like, 'shit, are you not going to show me any signs of getting better. Shall I go back to the Dr and get a confirmed diagnosis of some form of Auto immune disorder and pile on creams and digest pills? Maybe that is best.' Then my heart says, is that what you truly feel. And the answer is no. For now anyway. I feel I need 3 -6 months to truly see the changes. And if nothing else I will be in the routine/habit of self care well and truly by then! Reiki, Acupuncture, Reflexology, Bowen, Essential oils, Herbs, vitamins, good food as said before, exercise and laughter!
I have also recognised that I feel 'stuck'. What is my next move. And I am learning to sit with that. I have ideas and visions and feel they will unfold when they are ready to unfold. Perhaps my pains are there to make sure I don't rush into anything. They are making me just stop and look and listen. To encourage me to be patient. To make sure that I have healthy boundaries between caring and sharing and looking after myself. They are making sure that I continue to be a wholesome Mum, a loving wife but again to make sure my boundaries are there too. Two out of three of my babies are at boarding school now and my youngest is ready to head off in two years. There is obviously that feeling 'mum's' get when their babies start to fly off.... we want to retain the hub, the safety of home, yet allow them to fly and in the meantime create the next part of our souls journey. It is a balance. So, yes, there is a lot of shifting both physically and emotionally right now. And it is up and it is down. But I do truly feel the up is getting freer and clearer and feels new and exciting. So, if you are feeling stuck physically or mentally or emotionally, remind yourself they are all interlinked! Take a moment each day to tune into yourself and who you truly are! What makes your heart sing?! And follow the beauty and intelligence of the heart. It might totally freak the mind out but if you tell the mind it is a great thing, it will do as you tell it too!
And what have I learnt so far. Yes, the body holds onto all types of experience and shit. The more we communicate, move and meditate, the healthier our mind, body and soul. What I do know is that I can offer a place of sanctuary for people to come and sit and simply be. To be heard. To be listened to 100%. To be able to off load without judgement or opinion. And I can offer support so that one can feel safe. How I share this is not 100% clear as yet... but clarity will come I am sure of that.
I can offer a reboot week that gets us off the hamster wheel and once purchased is yours for life and I can offer support during these weeks. It is empowering and prevents us from losing control on the wheel and heading towards burn out.
Take care of you.
Heal your gut.
Love and Laugh